Posts Tagged ‘chaos’

I love living in the Co.Space. We tend to ask so weird questions around here, and sometimes they are exactly what I need. Tonight around the dinner table we asked, “If you were a boat where would you be on your journey?” and I got super emotional.

Let me explain. When I paused and thought outside of the normal day to day what will it take to survive? I haven’t written my grandma back yet and she emailed me days ago…I haven’t called back the voicemails I have from work…Someone introduced me to a new girl I should meet up with to chat about jail stuff and I ignored her text for 24 hours because I was busy and forgot to text back…I forgot to order supplies for the house and we ran out of dish soap…I haven’t written a letter back to my friend in jail…my grandpa was in the hospital today. (The list could go on and on of how the day to day things try to take all of my attention). But suddenly, when I was told to be a boat instead of a human, and explain life in boat terms, it became so clear.

I immediately imagined my boat.

boat

I didn’t have to think about it. It was one that I had seen in the news filled with refugees. It was a boat filled too full. I couldn’t make everyone comfortable. I couldn’t guarantee everyone’s safety. I wasn’t sure of where the best place to land that boat was. There wasn’t room on it for a crew. It felt so incredibly scary, but at the same time this tiny, lonely little boat full of danger was the hope that all the passengers had been longing for. It was another chance at life. Although it might land in a dangerous place, it was headed in the right direction. I had this overwhelming sense that even if everything in my day was chaotic God was still on my side and I can always hold onto hope.

Suddenly the silly question made way too much sense. It was deep. We are all on a journey in life, and that’s ok. If you’re in a big boat, a small one, a floating one, a sinking one, if it’s landlocked or if your swimming outside of the boat you’re still on the journey of life. Keep doing the next thing. You might not always be on the same boat. You won’t always be in the same place. It’s all part of the journey. But I will challenge you on this…let other people on your boat. And if you aren’t ready for that, at least take time to find someone and tell them about your boat. Stories help. The help us connect to each other and they help us remember what it is we are chasing and why we ever thought to chase it.
Happy sailing friends.

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“How are you?” always seems like it should be a simple question, but then, we answer in code, “fine” we say. But what does that mean? I use this code, and still can’t always decipher it. It could mean many different things, but some of the common ones include:

  • Fine.
  • Average day.
  • All is well.
  • Move on.
  • Don’t ask
  • Please notice.
  • I’m not going to make it.
  • Help.

I’ve felt myself wanting to use “fine” as an answer this week. For those trying to crack the code when I use fine it usually means there is a lot going on right now, but I’m not sure you want to hear about it, so unless you notice what I’m trying hard to hide from you I’m not going to tell you about it. …I know…it’s not a great way to be. So I’ve been challenging myself to give real answers.

“How am I? Well, my friend went to jail this week…I’m angry.” It shouldn’t be a big deal, because a lot of my friends are from the jail or go back to the jail, but this one was different. I was caught off guard. I had so much hope.

“How am I? Well, I argued with a homeless man tonight about how often he could shower…I’m wondering what that makes me.” If I didn’t have a shower in my house I’d probably fight for rights to one too, but there are rules for a reason, and everyone can’t shower all the time. I guess it makes me the bearer of bad news, and not a bad person.

“How am I? Well, people are responding to my program…I’m excited.” The mentoring program is going well! We have 3 matches and are hoping to train more mentors soon. I’ve gotten mail back from inmates we’ve never met, but whose kids we were able to buy gifts for though the Angel Tree program. There are other people coming into the jail to help add joy and peace.

“How am I? Well, I’m just me…I’m fine.” I think it’s ok to be fine sometimes, but it’s so important to be honest. It’s easy to feel alone in our issues, but people do care, and God is in control even when all we can see is chaos.