Nightmares are Nasty

Posted: May 19, 2014 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Last night I had a nightmare. In this dream I was scared. Angry. Terrified. I was living through a divorce and couldn’t fathom that this could be happening with people so close to my heart. People in my family. I tried to talk to them. I cried. I screamed. But I couldn’t get through. Nothing helped. Lets just say I didn’t wake up feeling very rested or refreshed. But I woke up reminded of many things. 1st: that it was only a dream and NOT TRUE! 2nd: that many people live through that terror and pain all the time. And the question that left me with was, “What are you doing for the kids who live through that in real life?”

Last year I was talking with a friend about how sometimes it’s scary when everything is going right, because we can begin to forget our constant need for God. When all is going well for us it can be easy to close our hearts to the people who don’t have everything going right. Easy to look the other way when people are hurting in order to relish our peace. And we might try to justify it by saying we don’t want to brag, or we don’t want to hurt them more by showing we are doing well. That’s foolishness.

When I pondered this last year I decided that I never wanted to fall into that place of complacency again. (Though I am not opposed to having things go well for me) I prayed faithfully, expecting it to hurt, “God, break my heart for what breaks Yours. Seriously. I mean it. Even though it will hurt.” I told God I was serious. I knew He would answer, but I didn’t know how. 

Now, I rarely dream. Or if I do I very rarely remember my dreams. Maybe just a handful of times a year. But after praying that, I dreamed every night for a week. And they were not happy dreams. In every dream I was there, but I couldn’t reach the other people. I was an observer. I could hear, but I could not be heard. I could scream, but there was no reaction. All I could do was watch…even when I wanted to look away. To run away. I watched. And my heart broke. 

When I woke up I was shaken, scared, and heartbroken. But I was also filled with hope. I felt like God gave me a picture of so many overlooked people. I suddenly knew that although I couldn’t empathize in a way of having been through the same situation myself, I could understand a little bit of where people were coming from. I could just begin to fathom their pain and their fear. Divorce. Rape. Hunger. Death. Sickness. Abuse. Those were some of the dreams. Another non-coincidence is that I had a friend who rarely made in through the night without a nightmare last year. I had never understood how scary that was, until I lived it for just a week. 

Today I got to hang out with a couple littles who have already lived through a divorce. I don’t think that is a coincidence following last night’s dream. I don’t ever want to neglect people’s pain, and tell them to just deal with it because it’s “normal” now. Pain hurts, and that’s ok. We can listen. We can offer a hug. Whether we can understand it all or not isn’t the issue. We know what kind of things break God’s heart. I pray that you recognize them and act on them before He has to tell you plainly…like He often does for me! 

As I keep raising money and hoping to get to the point of full time ministry, I am so excited to be able to spend more and more time in “broken” areas. I never want bad things and pain to be okay, but I want to love the people surrounded in bad and pain. I never want to give in to the temptation to look the other way, but I want to visit those in jail, sit with the hurting, give hugs to the lonely, feed the hungry. There is evil in our world and it’s not from God. But God is the reason we have hope, and I don’t want to keep that to myself. Love someone well today. Care. Listen. Ask them their story…even if they seem ‘okay’. A lot of times we tell people they have to be okay, but really Jesus is the only one who can bring full healing and make them whole.

  1. stejospot says:

    great post

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